UNDER CONSTRUCTIONAS SEEN AFTER THE AUCTION · CHANNEL 3 · 3:00 AM
Ch-Ch-Ch-CHIAROB
item #017 · terracotta only · no composite faces · MIDI optional
Grow your own tour buddy — one kiln-fired Chia Rob, not a generated dude. Water the meter. He already has the beard seeds.
best with SoundBlaster · optional
Terracotta Rob · dry pot · already nominating Sutton from the windowsill.
AS SEEN AT 3AM. Are you tired of leftover $17 and a kids-meal roster? Introducing CHIA ROB — the terracotta commissioner that sprouts on your sill and still nominates Sutton.
ORDER IN THE NEXT 17 LEFTOVER MINUTES — same window as the $17 pile!
CALL 1-800-CHIA-ROB · OPERATORS AT 3AM
Operators standing by · if you hear YEM you dialed 1-900
WHAT'S IN THE BOX
| Sprout time | 1–2 weeks (faster than a flex leaves IR) |
|---|---|
| Leftover cash | Not included |
| Official plant of | Big Mac Sauce |
| Grows into | A tour buddy who still starts Sutton |
| Not included | Dry / sprouting / full face composites |
HOW IT WORKS
- Soak the terracotta overnight (do not soak leftover $17).
- Set on a sill. Play a 22-minute YEM. Do not skip.
- Water when the meter looks like a $1 pile — often.
- When leaves encore, he nominates Sutton. That is the feature.
30-DAY WINDOWSILL GUARANTEE
If he does not nominate Sutton, you may return the pot. You will not get Chase money back. You will get a coupon for Greco dip tax.
AS SEEN IN TESTIMONIALS
“I wanted Super Bowl prices and a kids-meal plant. I got both.”— QSLS night owl
“Watered him during Tweezer. He still would not reverse $72.”— leftover cash committee
3AM FAQ
Do I get a dry face, a sprouting face, and a full face?
No. One terracotta bust. Daniel's Chia Rob. Water the meter, not a morph. The beard already has the seeds.
Will he nominate someone besides Sutton?
He is WR2-coded from the kiln. $1 is the whole instruction booklet.
Can I eat the sprouts?
Do not eat. Do not start him at flex. Do not use leftover $17 as fertilizer — that's thirteen other guys' slice.
Is this As-Seen-On-TV real?
As seen after the auction. Fake 800 line. Real roast: $183 of $200 gone, tour buddy still cheaper than Chase.
INFOMERCIAL GUESTBOOK
Sign after the second 'but wait'
- 3amShopper
Mailed the form with $17 taped to it. Tour buddy arrived as a jpeg. Still nominated Sutton.
- LeagueMate99
Growth meter hit encore. Flex still on IR. Official plant of Big Mac Sauce — accurate.
- LotKid
Watered during YEM. Leaves threw a peace sign. ☮
Parody infomercial. Not a real Chia Pet. Do not eat. Do not start him at flex.